by Michelle Mosqueda
Life never turns out the way we want it to be. There is always change right before us, chasing our heels; always making an attempt to catch us. We, not knowing any better, start to run until our breaths heave and we get too tired from running away. We fight with our hands and feet trying to free ourselves from change’s grasp, and the process repeats itself – the running and the chasing starts again. In the end, change devours us. I guess we never fully realize that change is inevitable; that no matter how fast we run, we can never get away from it. No matter how we resist, change will always win.
I was not fond of changes. I was into routines, and I sometimes freak out when a plan has been cancelled or that I would have to remove or add a task into my usual daily routine. Little did I know that I was in for the biggest change of my life.
Moving to the United States
It was not as simple as having to wake up at 7am instead of the usual 6am routine. It was much more than that. One fine day in October 2013 this whole routine was wrecked and my life completely changed.
My family and I, after waiting for 18 years, finally had the opportunity to move to Massachusetts, in the United States (US). My parents have always wanted to move to the US, where my grandmother resides. I was however, adamant.
It seemed like a really nice concept at first- living in a new place, starting anew, meeting different kinds of people, getting the best education. What more can I ask for? Other people thought that my family was so lucky, as if we won a “prize”.
They did not know what my whole family and I had to sacrifice – that we had to give up 18 years of what we have built in the Philippines just to get a shot at this. Memories with laughter and tears spent with my closest relatives suddenly drowned my mind. Promises made with old friends saying that we will be there for each other through the best and worst times were broken. The opportunity to see everyone that I love grow up and find themselves in this world was lost.
I must say that I had mixed emotions at first. I was terrified because I was not sure what surprises would be waiting for us when we move to Boston. I was crushed and broken since I had to leave my closest friends who have all became family to me as well. Confusion spread throughout my mind just by thinking about everyone we would be leaving behind and the great unknown that lie before us.
It was a truly rough scenario and I had no idea that time on how would I be able to move on from this sudden change in my life. I must say, goodbyes were not the hardest part. What is difficult and unbearable is, making up your mind and accepting that you need to and that you are compelled to say goodbye.
A year and eight months later, I have learned to move forward. I am moving forward, embracing this new life, living it and just really trying to get the most out of it.
The transition was tough, and it was like riding a roller coaster at a theme park- both thrilling and terrifying. This new life that has been granted to my family and it tested our love and care for each other.
Our bond grew stronger with each passing time, since we do not have anyone to lean on except each other. I also realized that I grew so much- not just physically and emotionally, but in all aspects – socially, psychologically and mentally as well.
At present, I am continually exposed to various ideas and valuable information that I did not even consider paying attention to before. My mind has begun to see issues regarding sexuality, gender, racism, discrimination and poverty in a new and a different light.
A brand new perspective
I am not sure if it is just because I was getting older, but I believe that the environment that I have and everything that I had to go through these past year played a special role into shaping my values and beliefs in the way they are at the moment.
As I gain new insights, I began to realize how grateful I am for this opportunity to grow as a Global Filipina – someone who’s Filipina at heart, but celebrating and learning from other nations’ idiosyncrasies and differences.
Join me in this roller coaster ride as I learn more about myself, and my surroundings as I face this new life in Massachusetts.
How about you, how do you handle change?
She plans to pursue a career in medicine in the near future. She loves reading fictional novels and poetry and her favorite books include The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera, Delirium by Lauren Oliver and Perks of being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.